Clinical Presentations !

The medical postings are definitely an interesting part of college. You leave the classroom and enter the big bad world of medicine, and you quickly realize that much of what you’ve learned is for nothing. You also realize that the medical student next to you could become your best friend, or the bane of your existence — or fall anywhere along that spectrum. Here is a list of the medical students one generally encounters –

  • The “new” best friend : It’s your first day on a new posting, and you groan when you see the other students listed with you. You barely know the students. You fear for the worst. But your fear quickly turns into unbridled joy. This mystery person is both a scholar and a sane person. He laughs at all your jokes, and sneaks out of the hospital early with you. You both help each other whenever possible, and by the end of the rotation, you’re planning to open a clinic together. You wonder where this person has been your whole life.  Sadly, like all things, this posting will end. And your new best-friendship may end as well. But it was great while it lasted.
  • The magician : His patients are always the easiest to take care of and he manages to leave an hour before the rest of you. He shows up late half the time, but no one ever seems to notice. In fact, everyone loves him and praise him for his efficiency. As his companion, you find yourself envious. You try to make yourself feel better by saying, “At least I’m getting more out of this posting,” but deep down, you know that’s a lie.
  • The future whatever ! :  This student is really itching to go into the field in which you are currently posted. They ask a ton of extra questions, beg the professor to go into detail on every disease, and try to follow the residents around as much as possible. They also have a never-ending optimism about them that quickly grows tiring. They may even ask for extra assignments, not realizing that all of the students will get extra work, not just them.
  • The Gunner : Now you may hear this term a lot around medical campuses.  By definition a gunner is a hyper-competitive student. Gunners will do whatever it takes to be the best. This ranges from working very hard to sabotaging peers. On the floors, a gunner is the guy who looked up the vital signs for every patient on the service, and when you can’t remember your patients’, he says them out loud. He’s the guy who manages to scrub into all the cool surgeries, often by following around the attending physician non-stop. He’s the guy who refuses to go home when the residents dismiss everyone, and asks to do extra menial tasks. The only advantage of having a gunner on the team is that it unites the other medical students — it’s almost like how having a mean coach can pull a sports team together.
  • The Cry-Baby : This person is always going to crib…always ! About the patient, the posting schedule, the department and even the peon’s uniform. There is not a thing the cry-baby won’t cry for.
  • The Weak : This species of students is often a surprise. As all medical students should necessarily know that the one thing that they are definitely going to see is – blood ! This student is not just weak but has a huge vasovagal response, often seen vomiting into the nearest basin. They can be spotted occasional dropping into the arms of the student standing next to them most commonly in the anatomy lab or at the sight of blood.
  • The Typical Medical Student : overly stressed, sleep-deprived, facebook-obsessed, caffine-dependent, HOUSE-watching person. Will quit college if sane enough.

 

 

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